What Mom's Really Want For Mother's Day...

To be able to eat a whole candy bar by herself, and drink a glass of Diet Coke without any "floaties".

To have my 14-year-old answer a question without rolling her eyes in that "Why is this person my mother?" way.

Five pounds of chocolate that won't add twenty.

A shower, without a child peeking through the curtain with a "Hi'ya, Mom" just as I put razor to my ankle.

A full-time cleaning person, who looks like Brad Pitt.

For my teenager to announce, "Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!"

A grocery store that doesn't have candy, gum, or cheap toys displayed at the checkout line.

To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.

To be able to sit down on a plane with my toddlers and not have some pencil-neck-yuppie moan, "Ohhh, nooo! Why me?"

Four words: Fisher Price Play Prison!!